Sometimes you watch a movie and immediately decide that once was not just enough, but more than enough. For most people, this tends to be those films that disturb us on a visceral level. I mean, I get it if you don't want to re-watch some poor sap fight for their lives with a large shard of glass hanging out of their neck and most of their blood on the ground around them. I have my fair share of those. For this exercise, I went with movies you guys told me were great, but I wound up hating. HATING. Here we go.
2001: A Space Odyssey
(1968)
My hate for this movie is legendary. That's mostly in my head, probably, but I have mentioned it here several times. It's beyond slow, pretentious, self-indulgent, and unbelievably boring. I know, it's supposed to be some deep exploration of mankind's past, future, and the cyclical nature of it all. Couldn't a filmmaker as accomplished and renowned as Stanley f'n Kubrick have found a way to make it something other than a 150 minute sleeping pill? I'm sorry, but watching an object float against a black screen while classical music blares and pounds for what seems like a half-hour is not my idea of a good time. And the highlight of this whole damn movie is a disembodied monotone voice say "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that." I was supposed to be all mortified at this point, but all I could do was go "AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!"
Enter the Void
(2009)
True story: Ever since I was a kid, I wondered a movie would be like if it were filmed entirely using a first person viewpoint. This movie has that. What if that movie were told from the perspective of someone who led an insane life, has just been killed, and gets to see how his death affects those in his circle? This movie has that. Imagine if that movie had loads of kinetic energy and never let up. This movie has that. What's my issue, then? Director Gaspar Noé insisted on trying to give me a seizure for damn near three hours. I'm sorry, but incessantly flashing lights and endless techno music is not my idea of fun.
The Tree of Life
(2011)
My hate for this movie is legendary. That's mostly in my head, probably, but I have mentioned it here several times. It's beyond slow, pretentious, self-indulgent, and unbelievably boring. I know, it's supposed to be some deep exploration of mankind's past, future, and the cyclical nature of it all. Why do I feel like I've said that before? Well, since the shoe fits, I'm surely going to put it on this movie. Just in case you didn't think it fit, this movie has a disembodied voice of it's own. However, director Terrence Malick goes a step more pretentious with it. This one whispers all the damn time. I don't mean regular movie whispering, either. I mean like even us in the audience aren't supposed to be able to make out all the words. At least, I sure can't. I gather it's supposed to give things an ethereal quality, but really - "AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!" (Full Review)