You know that one friend or relative you haven't seen in a while, but when they show up they act like they just saw you yesterday?
Oh, hey. Welcome to Thursday Movie Picks. This week, our wonderful host, Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves, has chosen natural disasters for a topic. There are so many great choices. I'll let you pick those. Since I'm feeling a bit salty about (at myself) for missing last week and being given the green light to talk about bad movies, I'm taking that opportunity this time around. These movies SUCK!
(2004)
When I watched it, my head started hurting from all the nonsense the movie kept hitting me in the skull with. I read up on it yesterday to refresh my memory and the headaches came back. It was some silliness about ice caps melting, and plunging into another ice age. Now, either of those events aren't that far-fetched. What is ridiculous is that it happens all in like a week's time. Truth told, that's not what got to me. You know what did it? Dennis Quaid, our hero, has a son who is stranded in Manhattan. So, of course, he decides to go save him. By walking. From Philadelphia. In less time than it would take me to drive it on a sunny day. And because of his plot powers, finds the kid practically as soon as he steps foot on the frozen over island. Immediately, I felt the sting of the screenwriter calling me stupid to my face. It was as if he said, "If they believed all that other mumbo jumbo they'll fall for anything. Sigh. That bottle of ibuprofen in my cabinet is looking mighty good right now. All of it.
(2009)
After Y2K proved to be a dud, we needed another end of the world conspiracy to believe in. So we all glommed onto the Ancient Mayan prophecy of us meeting our doom in 2012. There just HAD to be a movie about it, right? And who worse, ahem, better to direct such a flick than the ultimate disaster porn star himself, Roland Emmerich? In his version of the prophecy, the earth's core has heated up the Earth's core to a liquid state, causing all sorts of mayhem on the surface. Okay, fine. Stuff does go to hell in a handbasket, because that's what Emmerich does. Like The Day After Tomorrow, the human stupidity is what destroys things for me. That includes an eye-rollingly bad family reunion story. In fact, my eyes are rolling right now. Woops. There they go, right out of my head. I'll get those back in before talking about the last movie.
(2017)
Have you ever thought about what it would be like if every type of storm on this little blue ball of ours happened at once and were combined into a great, big, giant, mega, ultra, macro, geostorm? If you have, you're halfway to writing this movie. You wanna finish it? Here ya go. Humans can stop this super, jumbo, mongo, colossal, gigantic, gargantuan, geostorm. How? We have a machine for that, okay. No, no, yeah, it can just zap 'em. You know what, you might be able to make that work. Now slather a heaping helping of Gerard Butler all over it. To be fair, I just recently watched Butler in a pretty good disaster flick, Greenland. Here? he's like an entire bottle of maple syrup and a few packs of sugar poured over a chocolate bar that's already been dipped in butter.
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