Ahhhhh, summer. To be more specific summer break. That's the topic chosen for this week's Thursday Movie Picks by our host, Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves. You know, the kids are out of school, high school and college. And they need somewhere to go so they can be brutally murdered. Wait, did that come out right?
(Checking notes)
(Double-checking notes)
(Gets distracted after picking up phone, reading a text from my sister then a quick look at Twitter and Instagram for like a minute...or 45)
(Triple-checking notes after forgetting what they said)
It did!
Piranha
(1978)
Things start off as they must, with a couple of horny teens going for a skinny dip only to be eaten by something in the water the audience can't see. I mean, why use your own ideas when you Steven Spielberg has already done the work, am I right? Insert scientists, bad movie science, complete lapses in logic, and our school of man-eating piranha are heading right toward a not-too-distant summer camp full of kids. When I say kids, I don't mean the normal 30 year old playing a high schooler variety. No, I mean legit 10 to 12 year olds. I only saw this for the first time a couple years ago. Let me tell you, I was delightfully shocked by what happens when the piranha get to camp. There might be something wrong with me.
In 1995, there was a made-for-TV which I haven't seen yet. More famously, it was remade for the big screen in 2010 as Piranha 3D. That one is a gloriously gory, boob-filled masterpiece. Alas, that one is set during spring break. Therefore, we return to land with...
Sleepaway Camp
(1983)
We meet Angela, who is attending a summer camp. We find out she lost her parents when she was really small, and that none of her fellow campers seems to like her. Sure enough, counselors and campers alike start dying, one by one. If you've seen this movie, then you KNOW why the ending is one of the most infamous in movie history. If you haven't, just know that there's no way on this spinning blue ball of increasing temperatures this movie would get greenlit in 2021.
Welp, hanging out (mostly) on land was fun, we gotta check in on the fish. I think it's feeding time again.
Piranha 3DD
(2012)
First off, the correct pronunciation of the title is Piranha 3-Double D, as in cup size. Yeah, that's what kind of movie we're dealing with here. A water park owner is having trouble making ends meet, as the last few summers before this one didn't exactly make him rich. This year, he decides to do what every other water park is doing and making it an adult-themed park, clothing optional and all. Oh wait, that's NOT what other parks do? Who knew? Anyhoo, since he's a notorious corner cutter, that means he's pumping in water from the surrounding sources. Yup, piranha in all the cracks and crevices. Literally. Even more fun, bad movie science, delivered by Doc Brown himself no less, tells us there's a chance that these particular piranha have a chance to develop legs, lungs, and survive on land. By "a chance" I mean that it will most definitely happen before the movie ends. Thank goodness Ving Rhames has machine guns for legs. And, uh, David Hasselhoff hoffs.
Click here for more Thursday Movie Picks.