Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess named Wanderer. She hosted a weekly meme. Bloggers joined from every corner of the blogosphere. She lived happily ever after.
The End.
Okay, so my fairy tale tale is kind of thin. You know what's not? The Thursday Movie Picks meme. I know, bad joke. Whatever. Just head over to her site to get the details on what it takes to join in on the fun. The basic idea is that you will suggest three movies based on a theme selected by Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves.
As you might have guessed from my lame attempt at one, this week's theme is live-action fairy tale adaptations. Since most fairy tales are a bit too on the bright and cheerful side for me, this gives me a chance to go against the grain and find some that don't play so nice. Good, because I think my picks the last few weeks have been too safe. Not that I'm going to go completely off the rails this week, but my wheels at least lose contact with the tracks just a bit. Let's get to it.
A. I.: Artificial Intelligence
(2000)
Right away, I'm gonna start with the cheating. That's because this one isn't officially an adaptation of a fairy tale, but it happily flaunts its similarities with a particular one. It very much purports itself as a modern version of Pinocchio. Instead of being a puppet made of wood, our hero is a robot made of all the synthetics it takes to to make him look human. He embarks on the same type of journey as Pinocchio. He is trying to learn how to be what he desperately hopes to become: a real boy.
Hard Candy
(2005)
If you thought my first pick was cheating, you'll really hate this one. It never set out to be a fairy tale adaptation. In fact, it came by its association by accident. Legend has it that star Ellen Page just happened to pick out a red hoodie for her character to wear. Suddenly, the parallels between this and a certain story were unavoidable. In some countries it was even used in the advertising for the movie. The story concerns a young girl who takes it upon herself to spring a trap on and try to take down an internet predator/pedophile. Ladies and gentlemen of the 21st century, this your Little Red Riding Hood confronting The Big Bad Wolf.
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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
(2013)
Wouldn't ya know it? The closest thing I have to an actual fairy tale adaptation and it's a movie you don't even like. I maintain it's not really an adaptation because of that whole thing about our heroes actually being cooked and eaten at the end of the original story. I know, you prefer the version where they use a loaf of bread to find their way home. Okay, fine. This movie follows the titular pair as adults who have dedicated their lives to hunting witches. As a result of that fateful stay in the gingerbread house, Hansel is now apparently a diabetic. Best I can tell, Gretel is just looking for love. There's some cockamamie plot about head witch Famke Janssen trying to take over everything and some more BS about the Blood Moon bringing on something even more bad-ass than her. Just so our heroes have a fighting chance they happen to be immune to witchcraft. That means we get lots of hand-to-discolored skeletal hand combat, or as I like to call it, witch-fu. Oh, you didn't know witches were trained in martial arts? Shame on you. Our heroes also have some nice weaponry leading to lots of blood and guts. It's all a rather ridiculous mess. Why recommend it? Because it's so bad its awesome!