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Thursday Movie Picks: Movies About Young Love

September 17, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Happy Thursday, all! On this week's edition of Thursday Movie Picks...

oh, wait. There might be some new folks here. Let's give them a quick rundown. Every Thursday, I make suggestions based on a theme selected by Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves as part of her Thursday Movie Picks meme. Check out her place and the list of upcoming topics and feel free to join in with your own picks.

This week, the theme is childhood, or young love. Wanderer defines "childhood" as being before high school. This left me in a little bit of a bind. I literally had no idea what to do. After combing the recesses of my mind for hours...okay, seconds because my recesses don't run that deep...I finally decided on three I'm calling my favorites. Chronologically, they are...

My Girl
(1991)
Has there ever been a more heart-breaking movie than this? In it, we follow Vada (Anna Chlumsky) and Thomas (Macaulay Culkin). Vada is a girl who has a ton of health problems. Similarly, Thomas is seemingly allergic to everything. The two form a bond throughout the movie and then...well, I won't say anymore.


Let the Right One In 
(2008)


Let Me In 
(2010)
Okay, so I'm cheating just a bit. We'll actually have four movies, instead of three to choose from this week. Let the Right One In is a wonderful Swedish film featuring two kids that develop an amazing relationship. The boy is a target for bullies while the girl keeps to herself. It just so happens that she's a vampire. In case subtitles are a bit much for you, Let Me In is the American remake. There are some differences along the way, but I enjoyed both very much. In fact, they both made my list of The Best Vampire Movies Since 2000.


Moonrise Kingdom
(2012)
In this one, a boy scout named Sam (Jared Gilman) runs away from camp and convinces a girl from town, Suzy (Kara Hayward) to go with him. While they're off on their little adventure, everyone on the island they live on, including his scout master and her parents are looking for them. Everyone involved gets into some rather interesting situations. Be forewarned that this is a Wes Anderson flick, whom I know some people aren't that fond of. Still, I had a great time watching this. Click here for my full review.


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The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

September 18, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Peter Jackson.
2013. Rated PG-13, 161 minutes.
Cast:
Martin Freeman
Ian McKellen
Evangeline Lilly
Richard Armitage
Luke Evans
Benedict Cumberbatch
Lee Pace
Stephen Fry
Orlando Bloom
Graham McTavish
Ken Stott

Like most of our trips to Middle Earth, The Desolation of Smaug begins in media res. Bilbo Baggins (Freeman) is still tagging along with a band of dwarves on their quest to reclaim land and treasure from the slumbering dragon Smaug (Cumberbatch). He's also still hiding the one ring to rule them all in his pocket and using it whenever the need arises. Along the way, our heroes encounter many setbacks and roadblocks. Our favorite wizard, Gandalf (McKellen) wanders off to tend to some business pertaining to the quest, but separate from it. Peter Jackson doing Tolkien stuff ensues.

The bulk of the movie is essentially the same as its predecessor, An Unexpected Journey. There are some key differences, of course. The first, and most obvious one is that there is no setup. Like Jackson's most famous set of films, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit is shaping up to be a trilogy in raw form, meant to be viewed as one long continuous film. It is assumed, and rightfully so, that almost no one would watch this without having seen the prior installation. Another difference is the addition of a few new characters whose motivations are of significance. The main one is Bard the Bowman (Evans) who lives in the village that the dwarves hope to reclaim. He's the one guy who doesn't think waking up Smaug is a good idea. Early on, before he really understands what's going on, he helps the dwarves in inventive ways.

Where The Hobbit differs from The Lord of the Rings as a series is that the protagonist is really a day-saving sidekick. There are some asides developing Bilbo's relationship with the magical ring. However, this is really about the quest of the dwarves. Bilbo is just along for the ride. What happens is the dwarves trek, trek, trek until they get into a precarious situation which they invariably can't get themselves out of. During all of this, Bilbo has gotten separated from the pack and returns to save his travel-mates. Rinse. Repeat.


My implication that this is a movie that plays on a loop for two and a half hours might sound like damning criticism. Quite to the contrary, it works, marvelously in this case. Peter Jackson keeps his episodes concise, therefore getting us to the action scenes much quicker than in An Unexpected Journey. The run-time is also shorter. If you're not familiar with Jackson, two and a half hours is downright brief. It actually feels a bit shorter than that because things are actually happening. Part of this is because he has to find ways to stretch a fairly short book into three movies. Pumping up the action was a nice choice. The endless exposition of the first movie made three hours feel like four. the situation wasn't helped by the fact that it was also repetitive. For this chapter, that problem has been largely eradicated.

Other standards for our journeys into and through Middle Earth are upheld nicely. Though most of the characters are one note, they are all played very well. Evangeline Lilly as Tauriel, the one "she-elf" of note, stands out and not just because of her gender. Sir Ian McKellen continues to fully inhabit the wizard Gandalf while a number of the dwarves get their moment in the sun. Benedict Cumberbatch is also fun as our dragon. Speaking of Smaug, he is representative of the other major asset of Jackson's movies - the visuals. Once again, the director has given us a splendid looking piece of cinema. the world he depicts is expansive and diverse. Combine the sheer physical beauty of the film with a story that moves with purpose and we get a very enjoyable experience that easily outdoes its predecessor.


MY SCORE: 7.5/10
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The 10 Best Superhero Movies of All Time Blog Relay

September 19, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Boys and girls, it's finally happened. At long last, I've been bitten by a radioactive spider, overexposed to gamma rays, had my skeleton fused with adamantium, and jettisoned from my home planet as it exploded only to have my parents killed in an alley right in front of my eyes.

Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense.

Sorry, I'm just geeking out because I've finally been tagged in Bubbawheat's "The 10 Best Superhero Movies of All Time Blog Relay." And let me tell you, I've been itching to get my superhuman hands on this thing since the beginning. Now that I've got it, let's do something with it.

Hold up a sec.

There's some rules to contend with that makes this a bit different than the ordinary relay. This list was created with a definite end in mind. Instead of bloggers endlessly replacing one movie at a time, Bubbawheat set it up so that it will end at some point. The quick and dirty is that once a movie makes it through five consecutive rounds it is locked in and cannot be removed from the list. There are some other rules dictating how many movies each blogger is to replace. Suffice it to say that we're at the stage where two movies need to be dropped and two new ones put in their places. If you want the full rundown, just click the link above to his site to check out the rules and see the path of the relay so far.

While you're there, stay a while. Silly me, I didn't even mention the name of his blog. It's Flights, Tights, and Movie Nights and as the name suggests, it's all about superhero movies. Personally, I love the place. I especially like when he writes about some obscure superhero flick that I've never even heard of.

Okay...that's enough brown-nosing. We have a world to save.

Let's start by checking out the list as it stands

The Avengers
(Locked)


The Dark Knight
(Locked)


Spider-Man 2
(Locked)


Iron Man
(Locked)


Unbreakable
(Locked)


The Rocketeer
(Locked)

I'll say just a few quick words about the movies that are locked in. If we were ranking them, and all superhero flicks for that matter, I'd put The Dark Knight number one. No hesitation. And it's not even close. In fact, I might rank the next movie number three. I'm most surprised and most thrilled by the inclusion of Unbreakable. It's certainly unique for the genre. For me, it is the very best movie that M. Night Shyamalan has ever made. And it's not even close. In fact, I might rank...oh, sorry. I also love The Avengers, Spider-Man 2, and Iron Man. I don't know what to feel about The Rocketeer because I've never seen it. The rest of the movies are...



The Incredibles
The Incredibles easily gives me the most intriguing dilemma of the remaining movies. It has made the cut, four times in a row. If I keep it, it gets locked in. I do love it, but would I rank it in my all time top ten of superhero movies? I'd probably have it right on the fringe, somewhere between nine and fifteen. I haven't written that out in a while. Maybe I'll do that after this list gets all locked up. Without question it is superior to some of the other remainders. However, do I sacrifice it in hopes that something I think is more deserving will earn a spot? Hmmm...


Captain America: The Winter Soldier
The newest of the remainders is Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I absolutely love this movie. Right now, I'll tell you that it's better than The Avengers which is already locked in. However, that newness scares me. It's only been out a few months. I'd like to think I'll still feel that way in a year or ten, but who knows. How we feel about movies changes all the time, both personally and collectively. After all, Crash received mostly glowing reviews and won Best Picture. Now, it's hard to find a person to own up to even liking it. Except me. I still like it. I wouldn't have given it Best Pic, nor would I have given to Brokeback Mountain, but I digress. Point is, Winter Soldier might be too new to be on this list. (click here for my full review)


Batman (1989)
The movie I have the most personal connection with is Tim Burton's Batman from 1989. For me, it stands up as a great superhero flick. I rank it as the second best of all the movies based on The Caped Crusader, behind The Dark Knight, of course, and ever so slightly ahead of Batman Begins. Jack Nicholson was great as The Joker, and helped the whole thing be a fun affair. However, this was no goofy superhero movie. It took its cues from the darker roots of the character and from what Frank Miller had done in print earlier in the decade. This re-energized Batman as a whole and let Hollywood know that the genre could indeed be lucrative beyond Superman. On the other hand, there is already a Batman movie locked in. This isn't the best, so the question is do we need two on the same list? (click here to see those Batman rankings)

X-Men: First Class
It so happens I just re-watched this a couple weeks ago. Thankfully, it stands up to the praise I gave it when I saw it in the theater. McAvoy and Fassbender are nearly as good together as Prof. Xavier and Magneto as Stewart and McKellen. Just to get an idea of how high that praise is, I think the older gentlemen are the absolute most perfect choices possible for those roles. Aside from that the story is wonderful. The message of self-acceptance, in addition to the Civil Rights metaphor always present in X-Men movies, is spot-on. That said, is it even the best movie in the franchise? I'd argue that it's not. (click here for my full review)


Superman II
The sequel to Superman: The Movie does things much bigger than its predecessor. For starters, the three people pictured are an actual physical threat to The Man of Steel. Supes' seems to always be more intriguing when this is the case. Additionally, Christopher Reeves turns in another great performance as our hero. He's clearly the best Kal-el in cinematic history. Mix in another excellent turn by Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor and shift the focus from telling the origin story to showing Supes in action and the excitement factor is taken up a notch. Then again, having more action and being a bigger spectacle does not necessarily mean that a movie is better. Those things might be hiding some flaws.


Kick-Ass
A lot of us have wondered what a superhero would like in the real world. Kick-Ass answers that question in marvelous fashion. In addition, it perfectly spoofs the entire superhero world. Superman, Spider-Man, and a number of other heroes are targeted and hit. The way it parodies the old Batman TV series, the one that starred Adam West, is just perfect. Best of all, it does all of this while clearly being big fans of the comic books and the movies (and TV shows) that they spawned. On top of all that it was graphically violent and Chloe Grace Moretz absolutely walked away the movie. There's a flip-side to all these positive things, though. Because of its desire to poke fun at the rest of the comic world, it's not as original as it could be. Our hero is essentially Peter Parker deciding to don a costume even though he hadn't been bitten by a spider. Big Daddy and Hit Girl are merely Batman and Robin. Do we really need a movie that pieced itself together with shards of other films? (click here for my full review)

Someone's got to go. What to do?

Well, first I lured this movie into a crystal chamber and depowered it so I can kill it off...


Superman II
I have an interesting relationship with this one. As a kid, I actually went to see this and its predecessor in theaters. I immediately declared this one to be far better. After all, it had more action, it was funny, and it had Terrence Stamp doing a now iconic version of General Zod. I saw it a number of times during the next ten or fifteen years and still thought the same thing. I hadn't watched it all in the last ten or fifteen. Then right before Man of Steel came out, I decided to watch all of the Superman movies and review them for what I called My "Week of Steel." Much to my surprise, Superman II didn't age nearly as well as the original. Probably, a more accurate statement is that I've become a different viewer than I was years ago. I still liked it, but all the cracks in its armor from the Richard Donner fiasco were clearly visible to me. I know lots and lots of you consider this the best Superman movie of them all. For me, it was clear that this is the movie that must go.

Deciding on what else to cut was much tougher. Eventually, I settled on stripping someone of his shield and re-submerging him in ice.


Captain America: The Winter Soldier
The truth of the matter is that I love this movie. Right now. It hasn't aged enough to earn its stars and stripes. I just can't place something among the greatest of all time anything after just a few months and one viewing. If it holds up to repeated viewings over the next year or two, I'd be more than happy to give it a spot on the list. Right now, I just can't do it.


So what movies do I invite to use their powers for good?

I figured we needed someone to keep the creatures of the night at bay. So I gave our new hero a shot of serum and let him loose in the city...

Blade II
This entry into the Blade canon improved upon the first movie in every way. Director Guillermo del Toro, took the superhero flick and infused with a heavy dose of horror to create the creepiest superhero flick ever made. He also told a great story and, of course, imbued it with his normal visual splendor. Not only does it belong on this list, but it's one of the Best Vampire Movies Since 2000.

Next, I felt bad about stripping The Big Blue Boy Scout of his powers so I restored him, as he was orignally...

Superman: The Movie
Sure, the sequel has more action and possibly a better villain. What it lacks is the pure magical feeling this one gives the viewer. Everything about it is iconic. Christopher Reeves is just perfect. The way scenes are shot are wonderful. Watching our hero grow up feels important. His love story with Lois Lane is expertly portrayed. Finally, the score by John Williams is unbelievably good. In fact, it's probably one of the best scored films of all time. This is truly the class of Superman's cinematic lifetime.


Yes folks, that means that The Incredibles are now...

LOCKED IN

Now that I'm done, I'm going to pass it to a guy who spends lots of time blogging about superhero flicks, so I know he'll do a great job. That lucky blogger is none other than Jeffrey at Jeffrey K. Lyles' Movie Files. He has great power. Now I'm giving him great responsibility.
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Back to School Blogathon: Class Two

September 20, 2014, 9:00 pm
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If you've been hanging around here for a few weeks, you might be aware that I'm currently hosting the Back to School Blogathon. Today is the listed deadline. Before it passed, I wanted to get one more post in for it. I posted Class One last week. Today, logically, it's time for Class Two.

Before I start, just a quick note on what I'm trying to do, here. It's actually simple. I'm creating a class using movie characters that fit certain archetypes. For a full rundown on the rules, click here. Now, let's get to it.

Principal
Principal Powers
Sky High
(2005)
She's tough and fair. Besides, if she can handle a school full of super-powered kids, I think she can handle whatever I'm going to dish out. It doesn't hurt that she's still easy on the eyes after all these years.

Teacher
Trevor Garfield
187
(1997)
As a high school teacher in Brooklyn, NY he got stabbed and suffered some serious injuries. He switched coast, became a teacher in LA and found himself in a school essentially run by gangs. You know what? He's going to get through to them one way or another. He's hired.


Star Student
Autumn Haley
The Program
(1993)
It's easy. She's a great student who makes a little extra cash by tutoring the football players. What more could you want. Again, my shallowness is peaking through, but it helps that she bears an uncanny resemblance to Halle Berry.


Nerd
Napoleon Dynamite
Napoleon Dynamite
(2004)
Has there ever been a bigger nerd than Napoleon Dynamite. Calling him socially awkward is an understatement on the level of saying outer space is kinda big. All is not completely lost, though. He practices hard on his dancing and does sweet jumps on his bike.


Jock
Scott Howard
Teen Wolf
(1985)
He's pretty far from being your typical jock. In fact, until he discovers that he's literally a beast on the basketball court he's a very nice, if somewhat anonymous guy. Once he takes over the hardwood, yeah, he becomes a jerk. (click here my Teen Wolf experience)


Popular Girl
Raven Darkholme/Mystique
X-Men: First Class
(2011)
Part of the first class at Xavier's School for the Gifted, she's the linchpin that holds it all together. Besides that, she can literally be whoever you want her to be and has no problem injecting herself into any situation. (click here for my full review)


Invisible Girl
Lilly Onakuramara
Pitch Perfect
(2012)
Who could be more invisible than a girl who literally whispers every word out of her mouth? If you can manage to hear it, though, she says some hilariously nonsensical stuff. For instance, did you know she was born with gills like a fish? (click here for my full review)


Class Clown
Jeff Spicoli
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
(1982)
Spicoli usually shows up to class, but doesn't do anything when he gets there. Well, that's not quite true. He's generally high on pot, says the most ridiculous things, daydreams about winning surfing competitions and has his pizza delivered right to class. (click here for my full review)


Class Bullies
The Heathers
Heathers
(1988)
They could probably be slid into the "popular" slot because everyone knows who they are. However, they aren't actually popular. They are really feared and hated since they rule the school with iron fists. Everyone must bend to their will, or else.


Troubled Youth
Kim Bentley
Malibu High
(1979)
Kim is the quintessential troubled teen. She's flunking out of school and has lost her boyfriend. To turn things around she starts sleeping with her teachers. To start making some money, she takes up prostitution. So, as you might imagine, she's a busy girl. And her exploits don't stop there. (click here for my full review)


Well, there's Class Two. Click here to check out Class One. And come by tomorrow to see the links to the classes others have put together for the Back to School Blogathon.

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Back To School Blogathon: Links!

September 21, 2014, 9:00 pm
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At the end of August, I created the Back to School Blogathon to celebrate kids everywhere making their return to the classroom. The object was for bloggers to create classes uses movie characters that fit into some very well worn archetypes. I won't give a complete rundown on the rules again. To see them, just click here.

A number of you responded with some very interesting classes. Below are the links to them all.

John at Hitchcock's World was our star student. He contributed three classes to our school. His first class is headed up by one of the Marx Brothers. For his second class, he managed to get in someone from a remake to a classic horror flick. Then, he went completely off the rails for his third class and used nothing but characters from David Lynch movies.


Mike from Mike's Cinema chimed in with some inspired choices. His class includes Robert Downey Jr. before he became a superhero and Jon Cryer before he became one of the Two and a Half Men.


Over at Feeling Fuzzier, Rhys gave us a class run by a couple of action movie icons and includes a quite literal interpretation of the Invisible Girl trope.


Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves was the first lady to get involved. And she truly represented with an all-female class.


Not to be outdone, Brittani at Rambling Film joined the fray. Her class is led by a wizard and a lady who tries to work magic with troubled kids.


At Big Screen, Small Words, whirlwind.supernova's class has a little bit of a musical slant and includes two people with the gift of telekinesis.


The Flick Chicks, Jenna and Allie came up an interesting roster of students. Their class includes probably the most unlikely picks for star student and jock.


Finally, I contributed two classes of my own. The first includes a trio of not-so-bright bullies. The second give us a trio of very intelligent bullies.


As always, I'm not completely a stickler for deadlines so if you put a class together in the next week or so, drop by here and let me know. I'll gladly update this post to include you.

Thanks to everyone that participated this next go round. I'll see you in about a week or so with another blogathon, so be on the lookout.
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The Lego Movie

September 22, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller.
2014. Rated PG, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Chris Pratt
Elizabeth Banks
Morgan Freeman
Will Ferrell
Will Arnett
Liam Neeson
Nick Offerman
Alison Brie
Charlie Day
Channing Tatum
Jonah Hill
Cobie Smulders

As Lord Business (Ferrell) is defeating the wizard Vitruvius (Freeman) and taking the super-weapon known as The Kragle, he is informed of a prophecy stating that "The Special," the most amazing, interesting person who has ever lived, will find The Piece of Resistance, the one thing that can stop The Kragle. Fast forward eight and a half years. We meet the rule-loving, happy-go-lucky Emmet (Pratt). He quite literally falls into The Piece of Resistance while staring at Wyldstyle (Banks), the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Believing Emmet to be "The Special", Wyldstyle quickly snatches him up, informs him of the prophecy and Lord Business', not President Business, plan to destroy the world on Taco Tuesday. There's just one little problem. Emmet is not the most amazing, interesting person of all time. In fact, most people who come into contact with him on a daily basis barely remember him. Besides that, Emmet doesn't seem to be particularly bright. Nevertheless, with the help of Vitruvius and, somehow, Batman (Arnett), Emmet and Wyldstyle trying to stop President Business ensues.

From the very beginning, we witness the greatest strength of The Lego Movie. It's taking the things we love about some of the most iconic movie franchises and making fun of them while still integrating them into its own wonderful story. The most frequent targets are Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy (plus The Hobbit, I suppose), Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight trilogy, and more subtly, The Wachowski's The Matrix trilogy. For good measure, it takes healthy swipes at George Lucas'Star Wars franchise, too. Lots of movies have done similar things. The difference here is that just about every joke is spot-on. They all perfectly capture the essence of whatever it is skewering and are all flat out funny. Maybe it's because I've seen most of these movies multiple times, and I'm just a geek at heart (more on that, later), but I seriously laughed for every single minute of this movie's run time.

Once we're consistently giggling, it's easier for us to buy in to the plot and whatever messages it is pushing. In this case, both are pretty standard things. We've already covered the plot. As far as the message goes, the movie sings of the virtues of maintaining one's individuality and creativity in an increasingly homogeneous society. The magic of it all is how well they work in concert with one another and with the humor. This takes the edge off. Where other movies may come off as heavy-handed, this one seamlessly weaves in its commentary. Then, to keep us on our toes, it throws us a nice third act curve ball, adding yet another dimension to the movie, literally.


Other big reasons for our enjoyment are both the film's look and the voice work by its actors. The look nicely mimics actual legos and mixes it with more familiar computer generated imagery. It's amazing to see fluid, moving things such as fire and water made of legos. Better than that, though, are the many bursts of color that happen during the movie, particularly its action scenes. As for the voice acting, it's great all the way around. Of course, Morgan Freeman is a standout. So are Chris Pratt as Emmet and Elizabeth Banks as Wyldstyle. Regardless of how good they are, they all pale in comparison to what Will Arnett does with the role of Batman. He perfectly pulls off what the movie is trying to accomplish with the character.

If there is an issue with The Lego Movie, it's that much of the humor might fly over the heads of the kids who believe this movie is for them. As mentioned, there is lots of referencing of other things. They may not always connect the dots. People who, God forbid, aren't familiar with those other things might have the same issue. Luckily, it's still plenty of jun so no one should be bored by it. I take that back. If you're just too cool for this sort of thing. This brings me back to my own household and my own geekiness. My wife enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as I. A lot of the little things that cracked me up flew right by her. She's familiar with the franchises I mentioned earlier, but not intimately so. She's seen them and likes them well enough, but doesn't have the same connection with them that I do. My kids are teenagers. they are either too young for many of the jokes or just think it's all about nerd stuff. Yes, they freely told me I was lame. I replied that they just didn't get it and that this is easily the best animated movie since Toy Story 3. None of this changed their opinions, but it felt good getting it off my chest. Nor did it help that at the time, I so happened to be wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt. They just rolled their eyes and walked away as I cheerfully sang a medley of "Everything is Awesome" and "Batman" that was desperately in need of auto-tuning.


MY SCORE: 10/10

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Thursday Movie Picks: Nautical Movies

September 24, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Man, these Thursdays are ticking by pretty quickly, aren't they? We've arrived at yet another. That means it's time for me to give you my weekly suggestions based on a theme selected by our host this event, Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves. I have fun participating in this every week, but I'd love to get suggestions from you guys. You can take part by heading over to Wanderer's site and seeing what the theme is each week and taking it from there, following a very teeny tiny set of rules, of course. Those rules are basically pick three movies and either make them the best (or your favorite), the worst (or your most hated), or hidden gems.

This week's theme is Nautical Movies.

No, not Naughty Movies, you perv. Or, was that what I was thinking? Sigh. Never mind. Let's move on...

By nautical movies, I'm guessing we're talking about movies that happen to take place (largely) at sea. There are lots of them. One of my all time favorites in this area is Wolfgang Petersen's Das Boot. Then there's one of my all-time favorite Steven Segal flicks, Under Siege. Not exactly the same caliber film as Das Boot, but dammit, it's fun. A handful of others spring to mind like Crimson Tide, Pirates of the Caribbean, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and so on. Some great choices, but if you've been following along these last few Thursdays, you'll know I like to sail uncharted waters as often as possible. Well, that means we're going after some hidden gems. In this case, they may not be hidden, but certainly less appreciated. And to top it all off, we're keeping this trio of movies very light. After all, by this time next Thursday I'll be knee-deep in pig's blood as horror season here at DoM will be underway. With that, let's sail away...in chronological order, of course.


Batman: The Movie
(1966)
Right now, most of you are probably scratching your head. How is this a nautical movie? Sure, there are the prerequisite scenes in Wayne Manor, especially the Bat-cave, and in Gotham City. However, you know where more scenes take place than in either of those locations? Aboard a submarine which our four super-villains (The Joker, Riddler, Catwoman, and The Penguin) are using for their criminal headquarters. There is also the legendary scene where Batman takes on a shark. Okay, so how is it a hidden gem? It's almost fifty years old and one of the consequences of the main character becoming a darker character over time is that this rendition has been overshadowed and ridiculed. For me, it's a towering achievement in camp perfectly spoofing the serials of the 1930s and 40s utilizing a never-ending stream of double-entendres as its main weapon. (click here for my full review)


Pirate Radio
(2009)
If you're at all familiar with this movie then this choice makes more sense to you. If not, let me explain it. This movie is actually set when my first choice was made, 1966. We follow an underground British radio station broadcasting from the North Sea because they play rock-n-roll which is forbidden by their government. It's a funny and quirky movie with an all-star cast. We get wonderful turns from Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, Nick Frost, Emma Thompson, and the late-great Philip Seymour Hoffman. (click here for my full review)


The Pirates! Band of Misfits
(2012)
Hugh Grant stars as Pirate Captain. He runs a rag-tag crew aboard a not so marvelous ship and dreams of one day winning the Pirate of the Year award. His attempts at doing this fuel the first half of the movie while the second deals with the one and only Charles Darwin (David Tennant). Lots of fun, though kids might not quite get most of the jokes. (click here for my full review)

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Really Uncomfortable Movie Summaries, Vol. 1

September 25, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Every now and again when a Friday rolls around, I get in a silly mood. Yup, this is one of those Fridays. What that means is we're going to boil down the plots of some well-known (and not-so-well-known) movies to their disturbing and/or hilarious core.

I can't say this is a completely original idea. A friend sent me the link to this post years ago on a site called postmodernbarney. It shows a bunch of movies doing exactly what I said we're going to do here. A few examples:

Batman: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
Beauty and the Beast: A peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
Blade: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
Deep Throat: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
Deliverance: Tourists experience local hospitality.
Demolition Man: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
King Kong: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
Star Wars: A New Hope: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, kill thousands.
Taxi Driver: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.

Those are just a few of many. But since I did say I was in a silly mood, I came up with some of my own. Oh, I'm calling it volume one because I think I might do this again. And away we go...

Quick warning first - I can't promise good taste from this point forward. And there might be spoilers.

Now you're ready.



American Hustle: Con-man and his girlfriend rip off the FBI.

Any Given Sunday: Drug addicts play football, expose themselves to female owner.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: A former U.S. Soldier takes down a government agency.


District 9: Government relocates already quarantined immigrants.

Friday the 13th (original): Campers kill a mentally ill boy and his mentally ill mother.

In Bruges: A child murderer goes on vacation.


Her: Man masturbates while using his computer.

The Hobbit: Terrorist group plots to assassinate a head of state.



The Incredible Hulk: The U.S. Army exploits paranoid schizophrenics, forces them to fight each other.

Law Abiding Citizen: White vigilante targets minorities in positions of authority.

The Matrix: Religious extremists recruit a hacker to destroy the world's computers.


Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: A man of ambiguous sexuality tries to get his ship full of sea men back.

Saving Mr. Banks: Big corporation takes advantage of an artist in financial trouble.

Shallow Hal: Man reluctantly comes to the realization he's into plus sized women.

Sky High: Violence erupts at a school for children with special needs.

Spawn: A disgruntled employee battles the company snitch.

Underworld: Couple shunned due to their interracial relationship.



Up: Elderly man abducts a young boy.

The World's End: Alcoholic goes on a binge, becomes violent.

The Wrestler: Adrenaline junkie stalks both his estranged daughter and a stripper.


You are more than welcome to join in by posting some of your own really uncomfortable summaries in the comments section, or to tell me how bad mines suck. Either way, be creative.

Oh, and congratulate me. This is my 1,000th post!!!
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The Equalizer

September 28, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Antoine Fuqua.
2014. Rated R, 131 minutes.
Cast:
Denzel Washington
Marton Csokas
Chloe Grace Moretz
David Harbour
Johnny Skourtis
Melissa Leo
Bill Pullman
Haley Bennett
Alex Veadov
Vladimir Kulich

At Home Depot...er...HomeMart, where he works, Rober McCall (Washington) is the star employee. His bosses and co-workers all look up to him and he'll do anything he can to help out each and every one of them. He is also a man deeply mired in the routines of his life. He has to have everything a certain way. A bit of an insomniac, he finds himself at the local diner at 2 AM every morning. He sits in the same booth, sets up his silverware the way he likes and gets a cup of hot water for the tea bag that he brings from home. He also talks to Elaina (Moretz), the young girl who is always seated at the counter. She also happens to be a hooker. The night she's not there, Robert becomes very worried. When he finds out she's in the hospital after being badly beaten by her pimp, he takes matters into his own hands.

The early parts of the movie are spent developing Mr. McCall's character. We get to see what makes him tick. During this time, Denzel Washington owns the screen, completely selling us on what type of guy McCall is. The first few scenes establish him as definitely having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. However, it's subsequent scenes during which the point is driven home. It's not necessarily in the acting out of the routines, but in his subtle reactions when those routines are broken. More importantly, we come to realize how much he cares for those around him. This is most ably demonstrated through his conversations with Elaina and his interactions with Ralphie (Skourtis), one of his co-workers down at HomeMart. Washington's supporting cast helps him out just enough, too. Marton Csokas gives us a solidly detestable villain. In her brief screen time, Chloe Grace Moretz also does very well.


Once the movie transitions into our hero taking care of business, it becomes a very different affair. This part of the movie is loaded with action of the brutally violent sort. Mr. McCall makes use of things such as corkscrews, power drills, nail guns, and more. It's to the point where my wife expressed wariness of ever visiting a Home Depot ever again. Speaking of Home Depot, or Lowe's for that matter, how is it they didn't drop a few bucks to get their name on this? This would have functioned as the best commercial either company has ever had. Just imagine the logo of one of those stores being visible as Denzel Washington strolls away from an explosion in slow motion. By the way, I know such scenes are cliche, but the one in this movie might be the best one ever filmed. And I'm not exaggerating one bit. I generally roll my eyes when these happen in other action flicks. I even started to when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was about to happen in this one. However, this one was so deliciously overboard that I couldn't help but love it. The action as a whole has this effect. Yes, it's over the top, but it is also done with a twisted sense of humor that comes across really well. Honestly, though, it makes the best use of this when the action happens off-screen. We'll see our hero immediately after he's done something heinous to a bad guy which we didn't get to see. It's usually funny enough that we don't mind missing out on what he actually did.

For those of us old enough to remember, and to care, the big question is how does it compare to the TV show that it was based on. I am old enough to remember. However, I must confess that I was never a fan of the show. I might have watched it a handful of times and really don't remember anything about it other than the star. This means that, sadly, I've no clue whether or not it does the show proud. I do know that it does the action genre proud. Once it gets going The Equalizer is insanely fun, provided you're not put off by all the blood and guts. The first act perfectly sets up the last two acts. It's a guy we like doing things we wish we could do for the people we care about. Admittedly, there are some late second act scenes that fill in some of our hero's back story, though not very much. The real point of these is to provide something that could be expanded on in sequels. Trust me, this movie clearly wants sequels. To be honest, though, it might be better as a standalone. In either case, it's Denzel showing us all that he can still carry a movie without a big name co-star and still be extremely compelling. That quality is what really makes this an excellent watch.


MY SCORE: 7.5/10
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The Most Horrorble Time of the Year!

September 29, 2014, 9:00 pm
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A few of you have actually been here during prior Octobers. If you have, then you know that this is when I forsake all of the cinematic universe with the exception of the horror genre. And I go hard for 31 straight days. It all starts at midnight tonight. If you want to know exactly how long, keep an eye on the countdown above.

As usual, we'll kick things off with a horror classic. Don't worry, it's not all ancient stuff, though. We'll hit some more current fare, too. We'll also try to hit horror from every angle. We'll hit some haunted houses, run from some slashers, twist our mind psychologically, and we'll even get to have a few laughs. We'll throw in a list or two. This year, we've added a few new ingredients to our witch's brew to switch things up a bit. The Thursday Movie Picks that have become a popular feature around here, all have a horror slant to them. We're also hosting the Slasher Cast-a-thon, where bloggers get to create the cast for their very own slasher flick. Details to come this weekend.

I hope you'll join me every day this month. If you do, leave your two cents in the comments section. If you're lucky, you'll come across a movie that will have looking like the couple pictured above.



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Carrie (1976)

September 30, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed Brian De Palma.
1976. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Sissy Spacek
Piper Laurie
Betty Buckley
William Katt
Amy Irving
John Travolta
Edie McClurg
P.J. Soles
Priscilla Pointer

I saw Carrie on network TV when I was a kid. I think. I'm not even sure I watched the whole thing. I only remembered two parts. First is the obvious one, pig's blood spilling on her at the prom and her going bananas with her telekinesis. The other was a shot of her with her boobs blurred out. I told you it was network TV, didn't I? In the years since, I've heard and read so much about it, and seen that prom clip so often, I feel like I've watched it a dozen times over. Now it was time to put a face to the voice. Time to match the movie with all the articles and reviews I've read. Time to watch Carrie for the first time. Again.

After a decidedly unathletic volleyball game, our story actually starts in the girls lockerroom. It's filmed in slow motion with lots of naked girls frolicing about, steam everywhere, and Carrie White (Spacek) suggestively soaping herself down in the shower. I thought I'd mistakenly slipped in a Playboy video. I almost hit the open/close button on my DVD player to check it out, but we arrived at the point of this scene. Carrie gets her period for the very first time. Somehow, she's totally clueless about what's happening to her and freaks out, to put it mildly. What do all of her sensitive and caring classmates do? They point, laugh, and pelt her with as many tampons as they can yank out of the dispenser on the wall.


At home, things aren't any better. Her mom Margaret (Laurie) is a religious zealot whose never taught her anything about the female body. Mom takes Carrie's period as a sign that the girl is now a sinner. She literally drags Carrie by her hair into a tiny broom closet and locks her in there to pray. By the way, this room contains the creepiest version of the crucifix you'll ever see. Just remember what it looks like. That will be important later. The takeaway from all of this is that the girls in school get in trouble for their actions, and start plotting their revenge against Carrie. Carrie finds out she can indeed move things with her mind and Mom goes all fire and brimstone every time she speaks.

Horror is not a genre known for tremendous acting. More often than not, it's movies are populated by pretty, but not especially talented people. Every now and again, we get one that is wonderfully performed. Carrie is one of those movies. Sissy Spacek is just spot-on as out troubled heroine. From the moment she finds herself bleeding from where she never has, there is an unquestionable innocence about her. As viewers we instantly identify not with her, but with gym teacher Ms. Collins (Buckley) who wants badly to protect Carrie, help her blossom into a well-rounded young lady. Both women are phenomenal in their roles. By the way, Ms. Collins slaps the holy hell out of a student and everyone just rolls with it. My, how times have changed. We also get nice turns from a pre-Grease John Travolta and a very young Nancy Allen as our villains on campus. Oh, and if you remember lots of the women you've seen over the years who have always appeared older and played someone's mom, see if you can spot a young Edie McClurg in a bit part. Nope, I'm not telling who she plays or where you should know her from.

Other than Spacek in the lead, no one in the cast even comes close to the work done by Piper Laurie as Carrie's mom. Her performance is so purposely and perfectly ham-fisted she literally makes the movie. I know, the prom scene doesn't involve her whatsoever and is one of the most iconic moments in the annals of horror. However, that scene only takes care of half Carrie's problem. The other half is waiting for her at home. As the Oscars both Laurie and Spacek were nominated for suggest, they totally sell it.


The bonus for me is that the interactions of mother and daughter, particularly mom's reactions, illuminate the prism through I see and "get" this picture. I do this differently than most people, but hear me out. General consensus says that Carrie is a classic horror flick, one of the all-time greats. I don't see it that way at all. Don't get me wrong, I actually love this movie. I'm just not so sure it's actually horror. Certainly, there are plenty of horror elements in play, but I'm still not sold. Granted, I'm not a female with terrifying memories of her first period. Still, the movie never really tries to scare the viewer. It goes out of its way to create sympathy for our heroine, but it never puts fear in our hearts. This brings me back to Carrie and her mom. Everything between them is way over the top, in a good way, but still over the top. It seems as if director Brian De Palma is taking great pains to make sure we understand the absurdity of it all. Carrie is innocent, almost to the point of being infantile while Mom is a stark raving lunatic. Then the overall tone is not really dreadful, but sad. The whole thing strikes me as a rather brilliant jet black comedy. It's far more interesting in skewering religious fanatics and blasting the high school social class system than frightening us. I certainly laughed at a number of things it seemed were being used as jabs at its targets. It does this throughout whereas the horror portion only includes the last three scenes of the movie.

None of this is to suggest Carrie is any less of a movie than it's been hailed. In fact, viewing it as intentionally and subversively humorous, which I believe it is, makes it an even greater achievement than approaching it as something that's supposed to be either scary or disturbing. The parts that are disturbing are so in relation to what it says about the segments of society it holds its mirror up to. Incidentally, the areas covered: a girl's first period, her relationship with an overbearing mother, narrow-minded points of view, and bullying are timeless. Therefore, the movie might look dated because of fashion and hairstyles, but it doesn't feel that way.


MY SCORE: 9/10
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Thursday Movie Picks: Unstable Characters

October 1, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Ah yes, the first Thursday of the Halloween Season is here! On Thursdays, I pick three movies based on a theme selected by our host, the wonderful Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves. She was gracious enough to make all of the themes for this month horror friendly. Our first topic is "Unstable Characters." Wow, there are tons of those, especially within horro, so there are plenty to choose from. Just to make it a double whammy...or maybe a triple whammy, I'm going for a theme within a theme within a theme within a theme. No typos. And four themes if you lost count. I'll explain. The overall theme, of course is unstable characters. The second is horror. To add a third layer, these are all foreign movies. Finally, the unstabel person in all three movies is a female. And by now, you know that these picks generally fall into one of three categories: best (favorites), worst (hated), or hidden gems. Once again, I'm going for the latter. Hopefully, I'll broaden your horrorizons.


Taeko
(Masumi Miyazaki)
Strange Circus
(2005)
This movie is a questionable fit for this category. By that, I mean we're not really sure if our protagonist is stable, or not. To be honest, we're not even sure if she's the sole protagonist or one of two. You may wonder how this is possible. The story starts with a twelve year old girl who is being molested by her father. Eventually, we meet Taeko, a renowned author. The question becomes did what we saw to that point actually happen or is it just the latest novel that she is writing. If it did happen, was it to her? It's a twisted tale told with tons of beautiful yet disturbing imagery by Japanese director Shion Sono. By the way, star Masumi Miyazaki delivers an unbelievable performance taking on three roles, flawlessly. (Click here for my full review)


Bae Soo-mi
(Su-jeong Lim)
A Tale of Two Sisters
(2003)
Our unstable person in this Korean horror flick has just come home from a mental institution. She has a sister who adores her and a step-mother who hates her. Her dad is baffled by her. This twisting, bending Korean horror movie continuously screws with your head. And for fear of spoiling the movie, I won't say too much more. Just know that it unfurls itself in brilliant fashion. And stay away from its American remake, The Uninvited. (Click here for my full review)


Marie
(Cecile De France)
High Tension
(2003)
Some will tell you that this French ode to slasher flicks is a dud. What they really mean is that the twist is irredeemably stupid. In fact, just by including it here, I've probably ruined it. At the risk of removing all mystery, I'll just flat out say that the young lady pictured is indeed unstable. So why am I recommending this? Up until that twist, this is an insanely tense and often gory game of cat and mouse. Our lady in question is in pursuit of a madman who has kidnapped her bestest buddy after randomly and gruesomely slaughtering the rest of her family. For most of the movie it keeps us on the edge of our seat. We're deeply invested in finding out where all of this is going. Admittedly, it just creates a massive plot hole when we find out, but the fun is in getting there.


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Carrie (2013)

October 2, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Kimberly Peirce.
2013. Rated PG-13, 99 minutes.
Cast:
Chloe Grace Moretz
Julianne Moore
Gabriella Wilde
Ansel Elgort
Portia Doubleday
Alex Russell
Judy Geer
Zoe Belkin
Karissa Strain
Connor Price

When I heard they were remaking Carrie, the horror classic from 1976, I wasn't the least bit surprised. I wasn't uspet, either. I have a few reasons. First, and foremost, its themes are timeless. This isn't some purely 70s flick that would have to be stripped and rebuilt to fit the twenty-first century. We're talking bullying, self-esteem, mother-daughter relationships, and revenge. Nothing dated here at all, aside from the clothing. That brings me to the other reason I didn't mind. A new version will bring Carrie to people who might not seek out the original simply because it came out before they were born. The only question is would it be botched, or not. The answer is yes...

and no.

Where it works is in the tone it's going for. The setup is essentially the same as the original, but the execution is different. Carrie (Moretz) freaks out in the shower at school when she gets her very first period and her classmates respond by pointing, laughing, and trying to stone her to death with tampons. She also learns she has telekinesis, the ability to move things with her mind. The '76 version plays up the idea of young women blossoming sexually and having that filter throughout the rest of the movie. This time around, we go for a straight horror vibe with some actual sex thrown in. Well, not actual, but you get the picture. Everything is immediately somber and scored with ominous music. It's also purposely drab. Carrie's mom Margaret (Moore) speaks in a hushed voice and our bullies are mean about the way they go about being mean. Let me explain that last sentence. In the original, the bullies certainly did awful things to Carrie. However, they went about their business in a jolly manner. They often made us laugh. Here, we get none of that. It's all dead serious to them.


A lack of humor is just one of many differences between this movie and its predecessor. Not only is it apparent in our bullies, but more importantly, in Carrie's mom. The role is played so outlandishly by Piper Laurie in the original, it becomes sublime ridiculousness. It is difficult not to see it as satire. She also has a domineering presence. The iron fist with which she rules is clearly evident. We sense that Carrie fears her mother with every bone in her body. Laurie's performance is simultaneously a pointed jab at over the top religious fanatics while making an effective one, herself. She's a woman who knows that without a doubt that she is empowered by God to do the things she does. Julianne Moore's take on the same character in the remake is almost the exact opposite. She speaks softly, often appearing even meeker than her daughter, cowering in the presence of others. There is no humor in watching a woman who is completely vulnerable and saddened by this fact. Even her outlook on religion feels different. Where Laurie is absolutely empowered by her faith, Moore's Margaret seems to approach it from a place of weakness. She's not a tall standing soldier in His army, but a flower wilting in His presence. Her only hope is that she's repented enough to not be punished for past indiscretions. This is a dramatic difference. It changes the dynamics of her relationship with Carrie to the point where it doesn't quite work. Where the original Margaret is commanding of Carrie's every move, this one seems to be pleading with Carrie to maybe find it in her to attend a church service or two. This makes it harder to believe that she would still take the same steps as the other Margaret at the end of this movie.

Without directly comparing it to the original, this version of Carrie still doesn't quite work. Carrie herself doesn't feel quite fragile enough to pull this thing off. For starters, she's standing up to Mama way too soon. When we get to that all-important prom scene she's less like a person who just snapped and couldn't take it anymore, and more like one who is simply vindictive. It's like she's been waiting for this moment her entire life. Take note of the pause in the climactic scene with her mother. It's one, maybe two seconds of film, but gives the scene a totally different feel than the same scene in the first movie. It feels like something this Carrie has just been itching to do. Spacek's Carrie just has an instinctive reaction to a heightened situation. Another issue is Carrie's classmates. Right from the start, one character is far too remorseful of her actions toward Carrie in the opening scene. This removes lots of mystery from the movie and it doesn't quite feel like the entire school is really against her. Too many people are in her corner for us to feel the need to be there.

Like I said in the beginning, I really don't mind that Carrie was remade. I just think director Kimberly Peirce's approach to the material was a mistake. Trying to make it a straight horror flick doesn't really work. The original was not that. It was a movie that used teen angst and religious commentary in service of a twisted sense of humor that culminated in two fantastic horror movie scenes. It seems she mistook those non-horror elements as ancillary components of the film rather than being integral to its effectiveness. The performances she gets from Moretz and Moore are actually pretty good, but misguided as detailed above. On the other hand, the major plus of the film is its look, including a fairly impressive prom scene. However, and you should know my rule by now, a movie with not much besides pretty pictures is not a good movie.


MY SCORE: 5/10
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Back to School Blogathon Addendum: Scary School

October 3, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Last month I hosted the Back to School Blogathon. Bloggers were invited to create a class using certain well-worn archetypes. I posted two classes of my very own. One here, one there. I'm not re-opening it, but it's not quite out of my blood yet. Therefore, I've got one more class to share. This one is made up entirely of characters from horror movies. Here we go:

Principal:
Principal Himbry
Scream
(1996)
For all of his tough talk, he's really a guy that just doesn't get it. Well, actually he does "get it." Get it?


Teacher
Ms. Collins
Carrie
(1976)
We've got to have at least one kind, caring, and compassionate person in this mix. There's not a better choice than Ms. Collins. These qualities don't really help her in the end, but still.


Star Student
Nancy Thompson
A Nightmare on Elm Street
(1984)
Is there anyone who is a better student than Nancy? The girl would rather study all night, every night than sleep. Of course, that might have something to do with a certain ex-janitor, but whatever. To prove her academic worth. in the classroom, she shows up in a sequel after having become a doctor.


Nerd
Herbert West
Re-Animator
(1985)
Sure, Herbert is a little weird, but there's no denying genius. And how's this for a nerd? He loves his professor so much he won't let the man die.


Jock/Bully
Gabe Santora
The Faculty
(1998)
Yup, he's on the football team. And yup, he'll bully you. However, he won't just take your lunch money. He's going to give you a serious alien virus that you just can't wait to pass on.


Popular Girl/Diva
Jennifer Check
Jennifer's Body
(2009)
Of course, the popular girl is a cheerleader. However, that's not really why she's popular. To find out why just ask why she had to sit on a bag of frozen peas for a week. Unfortunately, you may not live to repeat the answer.


Invisible Girl
Jennifer Caulfield
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
(1987)
Even among a group of misfits, she's a bit of an outcast. She's got a little ambition. She wants to be a famous actress one day. She studies by watching as much TV as you'll let her. If she starts dozing off, she'll shock herself back awake by burning herself with a cigarette. Eventually, she does get to be in TV, herself.

Class Clowns
Randy Meeks and Stu Macher
Scream
(1996)
When it comes to the subject of horror movies, these guys are full on geeks. However, they're far more approachable than our resident class nerd and with a sly sense of humor. Just be careful. One of them is not as nice as he seems.

Troubled Youth
Angela Baker
Sleepaway Camp
(1983)
Talk about troubled. Whew! Having your parents killed right in front of you does something to a person, ya know. Then there is that one other little "thing" she's not quite sure how to deal with. Hmmm...


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The Slasher Cast-a-Thon

October 4, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Every October, I go wall to wall horror. Thirty-one days in a row, no days off. This year, I want you to be able to join in on the fun. Yup, that means it's a horror themed blogathon. And since slasher flicks are a guilty pleasure of mine, let's use those for our template.

You know how they work.

A nearly indestructible boogey man stalks and butchers a group of people one by one until he himself is killed by that one (virginal) girl who has managed to survive until the end of the movie. That is exactly how this is going to work. So, if you'd like to participate keep reading. I'm about to explain the rules of this little game.



1. Our slasher is already cast for us. He is the most evil, sadistic, brutal person you could possibly imagine. Let's just leave it at that.

2. Pick anywhere from 6 to 12 movie characters whom you would like to see murdered for one reason, or another. Maybe it was that annoying sidekick in a comedy, or the person who lost the wedding ring in your favorite rom-com. For each person you pick, explain why you'd like to see them killed. However, there are some caveats.

A. The character cannot be from a horror movie.

B. The character must NOT have died in whatever movie they were in.

C. The character cannot be the main antagonist (villain) of their movie. That would be too easy, we're supposed to hate them.

3. Pick one movie character as your "Final Girl," or the person who will survive and slay our slasher. Though I would prefer it to be a female, in keeping with genre norms, it doesn't necessarily have to be. In any event, explain why you chose this person. Tell us what makes them survivor material. There are some restrictions on this person, as well.

A. The character cannot be from a horror movie.

B. The character must NOT have or be implied to have sex during their movie. (Remember that stuff about the virginal heroine, right?)

C. The character cannot have killed or implied to have killed someone during her movie.

4. Include a link to this post.

Due to my presumed difficulty of rule 3-B, and the fact that I'd like to stretch this out throughout the month, let's set the deadline for October 30, 2014. On Halloween, October 31, 2014 I'll create a post with links to all the entries and update it as needed. To get included, leave a link to your post below in the comments section.


There are some lovely banners in this post for you to choose from for your entries. Now go set some people up to be slashed.





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The Conjuring

October 5, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by James Wan.
2013. Rated R, 112 minutes.
Cast:
Lili Taylor
Shanley Caswell
Hayley McFarland
Joey King
Mackenzie Foy
Kyla Deaver
Shannon Kook


It’s 1971 and the Perron family, Carolyn (Taylor), Roger (Livingston), and their five daughters, moves into their new house which is certainly a fixer-upper. Shortly thereafter they discover a basement that was completely boarded up and add that to the to-do-list. Of course, things start going bump in the night and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone in the house. When things get to be too much Carolyn seeks out the help of renowned demonologists Ed (Wilson) and Lorraine (Farmiga) Warren. More strange stuff ensues. All of this is kinda-sorta supposedly allegedly maybe based on a true story.

What The Conjuring does best is simply be what it is, an old fashioned haunted house flick. In spite of this, the movie succeeds. Somehow, instead of being a lame, by-the-numbers affair, it milks the formula for all its worth. It is, at once, a call back to an era gone by and a breath of fresh air. The tension builds steadily until the whole situation erupts in the final act. While we wait to get to that point we settle into the sweet spot of having a good idea how things are going to happen but still being glued to the screen to watch it play out.


Almost everyone on the screen feels like a stock character. This is a bit of a drawback, but everyone plays their roles so well it hardly matters. The ladies stand tall in this crowd, starting with Lili Taylor as mom Carolyn. She is the vessel through which we experience the movie. She gives a superb performance displaying a woman whose mental state is steadily decaying as the inexplicable keeps happening around her. As someone who has already gone through some odd things in her life, Vera Farmiga is nearly as good. By the way, Farmiga’s character Lorraine and her husband Ed are indeed based on the real-life couple of the same name and job description. In fact, they were the first paranormal investigators on the scene of the infamous Amityville Horror. Perhaps not so coincidentally, this movie bears a healthy resemblance to that genre giant.

As good as the acting is, for me, the key lies in our ghosts. There is a sense that something bad could happen to these people at any moment. They feel like a real threat. This is completely opposite of director James Wan’s other haunted house flick, Insidious. In that movie, the haunters come off as benign. They never seem like they’re really out to get the family in the house. They show up, mug for the camera and disappear. Here, they add a much more real sense of danger, making this a much more interesting ride. Where Insidious is overwrought and plodding, this one snaps, crackles, and pops.

MY SCORE: 7.5/10
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Aftershock

October 6, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Nicolás López.
2013. Rated R, 89 minutes.
Cast:
Ariel Levy
Nicolás Martínez
Andrea Osvárt
Natasha Yarovenko
Lorenza Izzo
Ramón Llao
Matías López
Álvaro López Álvarez


Gringo (Roth) is an American in Chile partying it up with Ariel (Levy) and Pollo (Martínez). He is the divorced father of a little girl he talks about often and for whom he drops everything to take her phone call. That includes when dad is in a loud bar trying to get a little nookie. And yes, it is all sorts of creepy watching middle-aged Roth hit on the barely legal Selena Gomez, making a cameo appearance. Thankfully, she turns him down and he turns his attentions to one of the three girls he and his buddies pal around for a few days.

Okay, sorry. I’ve just wasted an entire paragraph because none of this actually matters. The movie wastes your time with this as well as this portion of it goes on forever. The only thing that matters is that while Gringo, his buddies and the girls they are hanging with are at a nightclub an earthquake strikes and does enough damage to kill most of the people there. Plenty of folks outside die, as well. The whole city is a madhouse as everyone is trying to get somewhere safe. This includes our heroes who mostly survive the club. However, Ariel did lose a hand trying to help a bartender. Well, he didn’t actually lose it. They are carrying it around in hopes of getting him to a hospital so it can be reattached. The mass panic worsens when the sound of sirens is heard in the streets, a warning to everyone there might be a tsunami on the way. As if all of this weren’t bad enough, the crew is also running from a murderous gang of rapists they happen to cross paths with. Sounds like fun.


Unfortunately, Aftershock is not nearly as fun as it could ge. For starters, it takes way too long to get to the good stuff. We spend the first act getting to know these people in an obvious and ridiculously drawn out attempt at character development. Ordinarily, I’m all for movies trying to make me care about the people on the screen. Here, it completely backfires. First off, the acting is all sorts of horrible. Second, it probably wouldn’t matter if they were all brilliant performers because almost all of them are unlikeable. Even worse, their sexual misadventures are just plain boring. It feels like an infinitely extended version to the dreadful opening of the otherwise solid Cloverfield.

Finally, the tone never feels quite right. Much of the time it is stone-face serious. However, we get the sense that this material would benefit from a more tongue in cheek approach. On those rare occasions it displays a twisted sense of humor, the movie shines. For instance, the scene of Ariel trying to recover his severed hand as it is being trampled and kicked about the floor by stampeding party-goers is downright brilliant. Had the entire movie been made that way, we might have a cult classic on our hands. Instead, the gore piles up, women are brutalized just because, anyone who gets in the way of this is murdered, and it all ends on a disheartening note. None of this is done with even a hint of the fun had during the hand scene. It’s all just a misogynistic and nihilistic fantasy that makes a dated referendum on people with tattoos.


MY SCORE: 2/10
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The O Canada Blogathon: American Mary

October 7, 2014, 9:00 pm
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It's time once again to participate in another blogathon. I love these things. I get to "meet" more of you because more of you come here. I'd say it's a win-win situation. Yes, I'm assuming that your coming here is a win for you. Let's move on.

This particular blogathon is hosted by Ruth of Silver Screenings and Kristina of Speakeasy because, as they happily and correctly point out, "the Hollywood movies you love owe a lot to Canada." They invited bloggers from all over to post on some aspect of Canada's contribution to the cinematic universe. A rather long list of folks have signed on, so swing by as many as you can and check them out. Hopefully, if and when they stop by here to read this post they won't be too pissed about what I did to the very classy black and white banners they created for us bloggers to use. Sorry ladies, but there is a reason for that.

For my entry, I'm going to keep in line with what's going on around my own blog all month, and that's sticking with horror. Now, when I say Canadian horror, most people will think David Cronenberg. They should. Even if I'd never seen anything else he's done, I hold Videodrome in such high regard that his spot on the pantheon of film makers from our neighbors to the north is secure. Yeah, I'm American. So, of course, I would pick a Canadian movie with an American name.

American Mary is directed by twins Jen and Sylvia Soska, pictured above (told you there was a reason), who have been making some noise in the horror world over the last few years. Born April 29, 1983 in North Vancouver the girls got into horror at an early age. Eventually, they would attend film school. During this time they created their debut movie Dead Hooker in a Trunk (2009). It was made on a less than shoe string budget of $2500 USD and became a cult favorite. Together, they run Twisted Twins Productions. American Mary is their follow-up which was actually financed by their parents who re-financed their house to do so. They definitely prove that where there's a will, there's a way. Their third movie, See No Evil 2, is due out next week.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's focus on this movie...


Directed by The Soska Sisters.
2012. Rated R, 102 minutes.
Cast:
Katharine Isabelle
Antonio Cupo
Tristan Risk
David Lovgren
Paula Lindberg
Julia Maxwell
Clay St. Thomas
John Emmet Tracy
Jen Soska
Sylvia Soska

Mary Mason (Isabelle) is a medical school student well on her way to becoming a surgeon. She is also having serious financial problems. Like a lot of female students having trouble making ends meet, she decides to try her hand at stripping. while "interviewing" with Billy Barker (Cupo), a sleazy club owner, fate intervenes. One of his goons sustains a serious injury and an emergency procedure is needed. Since Billy noticed Mary's career aspirations on her resume...yup, she took a resume to a strip joint audition...he offers her five thousand bucks on the spot to patch up his boy. He stresses that she won't even have to show him her tits. She just has to get it done, right there in the club, no questions asked. Reluctantly, she agrees and all goes well. Pretty soon, Beatrice (Risk), one of the club's dancers, gets hold of Mary. She heard about our heroine's handiwork and wants Mary to perform some pretty wild cosmetic surgery on a friend. Beatrice, by the way, has already been drastically altered to look like legendary cartoon character Betty Boop. This also goes extremely well. Back in her regular life, just when things seem to be turning in her favor, let's just say she suffers a serious setback in her relationship with an instructor. Spurred on by this event, she quits med school and dives head first into the extreme body modification world, becoming a highly sought after "doctor." Of course, a girl has to practice her craft. With billy's help, she uses that instructor for her own personal cutting board.

American Mary is a movie that makes a go at being several different things. At some of those, it's very successful. At others, not so much. With revenge being a major motivating factor, it most obviously attempts to be an I Spit on Your Grave inspired girl-power flick. This is effective, but not in the way you might think. After starting on that conventional road, it turns the concept on its ear and becomes about the abuse of that power and how intoxicating it can be to have it. Mary cautiously wields hers and even behaves in an indignant manner toward those who request something of her that she thinks doesn't make full use of her abilities. She berates some poor guy who asks her for something so simple as piercings. In her eyes, this is a waste of her talent. From time to time we're reminded how she hones that talent by seeing some of the heinous things she does to that instructor.

The film is also successful at skewering our notions of beauty and the lengths we'll go in order to achieve it. Granted, Beatrice and her friend are in the tiniest possible section of the bell curve. Almost. Two sisters, the actual directors of the film by the way, show up in the last act and take things to whole new level. The point is, the absurd actions of these people bring our own insanity into the light.


Where American Mary falters is with the more straight forward elements of story-telling. While Mary's life is certainly an intriguing one, the drama surrounding it is not. More accurately, it's not presented in an interesting enough way. We get the typical cat-and-mouse between Mary and a cop looking for the missing instructor. This just hits the usual notes. The cop is too bland, and the writing makes no effort to elevate him beyond being anything other than perfunctory. More troubling is the relationship between Mary and her grandmother. Much is made of it, since Grandma seems to be the only other person she really cares about. Perhaps because we only hear Grandma's disembodied voice over the phone, or because their conversations aren't necessarily the warmest, but it doesn't resonate as much as it should. It comes to a point where we're definitely supposed to feel something, but don't. finally, there's the attempt to show how complicated a relationship Mary has with Billy. there is a weird sexual tension between the two that's handled in too abrupt a fashion.

Despite its shortcomings, American Mary is a fascinating watch. It puts forth some thought provoking concepts and outlandish visuals that keep us engaged even as the narrative quality wanes. For some, the ideas presented may be enough to carry the movie on their own. They don't quite pull off that trick for me, but there is definitely plenty to work with. Better execution of the plot would have made this downright brilliant. As it stands, it's a good movie that slips in some social commentary and has the courage to be fairly unique.


MY SCORE: 7/10
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Thursday Movie Picks: Zombie Movies

October 8, 2014, 9:00 pm
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It's another Thursday. Fall is well underway, and so is A Horrorble Time here at Dell on Movies. Welcome to another edition of Thursday Movie Picks, the weekly meme hosted by Wanderer of Wandering Through the Shelves. Go check out her site. Join the meme now. Period.

The rules are simple. She picks a theme, you pick three movies to suit said theme. They must either be the best (or your faves), the worst (or your most hated), or hidden gems. This week's theme is zombie movies.

I know, I know. I'm probably required by law to mention at least one George A. Romero movie. Sorry, not doing that. Arrest me, now. My next mandated movie is 28 Days Later. Yeah, well, that just sucks and I don't care what you say. Therefore, that ain't happening.

You know me. I'm going to do something a bit different. I'm going to combine all three categories into one glorious catch all. These movies are definitely hidden, but that's because they suck so they're among the worst zombie flicks out there. However, they're so terrible they actually might be the best ever made, also. If none of that babbling makes any sense, let's just say that all three of my picks are so bad, they're awesome!


Raw Force
AKA Kung Fu Cannibals
(1982)
Zombies don't show up in this particular affair until we get near the end. By this time, they're just icing on a bizarre cake. What do I mean? By the time they appear, we've already seen cannibal monks, a cruise full of drunken, hard partying martial arts students, Nazi jade smugglers, piranhas, and nekkidness. Lots and lots of nekkidness. Our zombies are actually disgraced martial artists raised from the dead to do the bidding of the aforementioned monks. So yeah, basically samurai zombies. Click here to find out how this steaming pile of unfathomably bad goodness relates to The Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Redneck Zombies
(1989)
When some local yokels get a hold of some toxic waste, since every hillbilly is completely illiterate rendering the warning labels obsolete, they make moonshine out of it. Of course, this transforms everyone who drinks it into a flesh-eating zombie. Yup, this includes the zombie baby pictured above. Luckily, there just happens to be a group of college students in the area just waitin' to be terrorized. Slip in some references to Texas Chainsaw Massacre and some rather heavy handed commentary on chewing tobacco and this Troma production goes all...Troma.


Zombie Strippers
(2008)
Let's start with the fact that horror icon Robert Englund is in this movie sans fedora, striped sweater, or claws. He's basically just a patron at a strip club. His leading lady, if you want to call her that, is also an icon. She is a porn icon, but iconic nonetheless. I'm talking the one and only Jenna Jameson. How'd you know she plays a stripper? You must be psychic, or something. Anyhoo, she's not just any stripper, but the club's featured dancer and the first to be infected by one of the re-animated deceased soldiers that wanders into the shake joint. That soldier, by the way, is part of the movie's attempt at satirizing the presidency of George W. Bush. A good and terrible time is had by all.


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You're Next

October 9, 2014, 9:00 pm
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Directed by Adam Wingard.
2011. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Sharni Vinson
Nicholas Tucci
Wendy Glenn
A. J. Bowen
Joe Swanberg
Barbara Crampton
Rob Moran
Ti West

Some families can never sit down together and have a peaceful dinner. This is true for the Davison family. However, things are taken to a whole new level when arrows start flying in through the windows, killing one party guest. Yup, their already dysfunctional bunch is under siege by strangers outside the house . Of course, these strangers don't remain outside for long. While they're coming in, the Davisons are trying to get out. By the way, it's not just the Davisons. There's mom Aubrey (Crampton) and dad Paul (Moran), who own this beautiful home. Presumably, they are in their sixties. I'm judging by conversations that place the older kids near forty, if not beyond that age. If I went by mama's looks, I'd say she couldn't be their mother. Maybe she's a hot, milfy, slightly older sister. Yeah, I said that. Either roll your eyes or agree. Anyhoo, their three sons have all brought their girlfriends and their daughter has brought her boyfriend. In other words, we're nicely set up for a sizable body count. Oh, if you somehow didn't know this, the house is pretty secluded. The one neighbor and his barely legal girlfriend are in the movie for less time than Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett-Smith were in Scream 2. Their part of the story just doesn't unfold in public, the way that one did. They're also far less interesting, too. With them out of the way, home invasion madness ensues.

You're Next actually mixes its horror sub-genres. While home invasion is the dominant theme, it makes plenty of use of slasher flick tropes. For a long time, our intruders don't seem to want anything other than to kill the occupants of the house in what turns out to be "one by one" fashion. we also get a "final girl" out of the deal. I won't completely spoil it, but you'll probably figure out who that is rather quickly. She'll be the one kicking bad guy ass. And she does it in gloriously gruesome style.

Speaking of gruesome, one of the draws of the movie is its gore. This isn't some deep, psychological horror pulling our most submerged fears to the surface. this is a study in how much damage can be done to the human body using whatever you can find around the house. Amazingly, this includes a blender. No screwing around with atmosphere, here. It's all about the blood and guts. At this, the movie does a very nice job. A number of scenes induce a wince or two from the viewer. The most memorable of them includes that aforementioned blender.


Sidenote (minor spoiler alert, too): The first dinner guest that buys it is played by critically acclaimed horror director Ti West. Well, he's not acclaimed by this critic, whatsoever. Plenty of people were singing his praises for House of the Devil and The Innkeepers. I hate both movies with unbridled passion. Even though I would be a very happy man if he never gets to yell "action" ever again, I don't really want him dead. Still, I'd be lying if I said seeing him get killed in this movie didn't bring a smile to my face. If this makes me evil, so be it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Despite what I've just said, the plot is not wholly irrelevant. There really is an air of mystery to it all. We really have no idea what's going on for a long stretch of time. Fortunately, the other stuff is interesting enough to hold us. When things start clearing up, it makes perfect sense. There isn't a ton to comprehend, but what's here works. It does so in a way that makes us cheer for our heroine that much more. Honestly, by that point, we're already on her side, but when we figure out what's happening we really start rooting for her.

This is not a movie that's re-inventing the horror wheel by any stretch of the imagination. It does approach it with a sly and twisted sense of humor. The story is functional and the kills are inventive. There is enough suspense to keep us wondering during any down time. The acting and the dialogue are all adequate for a horror flick. The special fx bringing all the mutilation to life are all practical from what I can tell and very well done. Everything leads to an intense final few minutes. You're Next is just a bloody, fun ride. Bloody in the literal sense, that is.


MY SCORE: 7.5/10
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